currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have feelings that need drinking.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
