bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
