happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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