So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
