So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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