I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
