he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
