I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
