im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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