her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
