obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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