I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
