I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
