Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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