You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
