sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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