Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
