she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
