dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
