I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
