I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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