I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
