When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Panties = found
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