You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
