After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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