I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
