He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
