Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize