there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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