Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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