I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
