i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
