oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
