You don't have asthma, your pregnant
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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