Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
