Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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