also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
