What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
