I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
