I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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