I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
a search helicopter?!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
