Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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