What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize