Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
