hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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