An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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