If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
