shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
