Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
