So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
