I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
