Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
