You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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