GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
