just tell him i said nine months
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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