So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
