That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
