I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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