ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
