My sheets look like a crime scene.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
