i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
