He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
