she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
