these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
