I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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