Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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