Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize