I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
a search helicopter?!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
