i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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