To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
